


The Doctors Song

by bwayfan25



Category: Doctor Who (2005), The Diary of River Song (Big Finish Audio)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, F/M, Family, Romance, Takes Place during the 24 years on Darillium, maybe a little angst in there somewhere because I'm me, mostly happy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-28
Packaged: 2019-11-04 04:49:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,983
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17891789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bwayfan25/pseuds/bwayfan25
Summary: Neither ever thought themselves suited for domestic life. Luckily, domestic life found itself suited for them. One-shots, conversations, missing scenes, etc. for Twelve and River during their time on Darillium. Some spoilers for Doctor Who and The Diary of River Song.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone. I know that I already have a very similar type of story featuring Twelve and Bill called [Adventures with Space Granddad](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17180615/chapters/40395752), but I've been listening to a lot of Big Finish recently and was inspired to do one for Twelve and River too. I'll reference some things that take place in The Diary of River Song in future chapters, but will make sure to tag them at the beginning of the chapters. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy! 

_ Knock, knock, knock _ . 

River looked up from the place on the sofa where she sat, curled up with the Doctor’s annotated copy of  _ A Brief History of Time _ . 

_ Knock, knock, knock. _

She rose, rolling her eyes and frowning at the possibility that the Doctor had locked himself out of the house without his screwdriver or sunglasses (again). But as she opened the door, ready to reprimand him, she didn’t find the Doctor waiting. 

In fact, she didn’t find  _ anyone _ waiting. Not at first, at least. 

“Ma’am?”

River looked down to find a boy of maybe seven or eight on the doorstep. Her mouth worked wordlessly for a moment in her surprise. 

“Uh… yes, dear?” she asked, bending over slightly. “How can I help you, dear?”

“I’m looking for Doctor Song, ma’am.”

A smile crept over River’s face.

“Well, you’ve found her,” she said, smiling gently. “What can I do for you?”

But to her surprise, the boy shook his head.

“No, ma’am. I’m looking for the  _ other _ Doctor Song,” the boy said earnestly. “The man who lives here. With the grey hair and the eyebrows.”

“Oh,” River said, nodding. “Well, dear, he’s not actually cal-”

She stopped herself as the thought occurred to her. A smirk curled her lips as she let out a small chuckle.

“What I meant to say,” she corrected, “is that he is not actually in the sitting room. He’s out in the garage. Give me just a moment, dear.”

The boy nodded and River smiled at him as she stepped back inside. 

She made her way down the hall to the back of the small house. 

From the kitchen window, she could see the TARDIS parked in it’s spot next to a large tree. She craned her neck for a moment, trying to see if she could see the Doctor, when the screen door opened and the Doctor walked in. He didn’t have his coat on, perhaps because he was sweaty and covered in some kind of dirt. 

He held up an oddly shaped piece of twisted metal, grinning proudly.

“Look at this.”

River frowned at it.

“What is it?”

“I don’t know.” The Doctor shrugged. “I just pulled it off the TARDIS.”

“You know, you  _ really _ shouldn’t do that.”

His brow rose as he gave another half-shrug and set the metal down on the counter. She wasn’t quite sure, but River could have sworn he muttered “too late now”. 

“There’s someone here to see Doctor Song,” she informed him, crossing her arms despite her trying not to look too smug. 

“So…” the Doctor said slowly, elongating the vowel. “Why are you telling me?”

“Because…” River smirked. “ _ I  _ am not the Doctor Song he was looking for.”

“Then he must be a bit pants,” the Doctor said, turning back for the screen door. “‘Cause there’s only one Doctor Song and that’s  _ you _ . Trust me. I’ve checked.”

The Doctor had pushed the door open and was nearly all the way out before he took a step back, paused for a moment, and then slowly turned back to her. 

“Do-” His eyes grew wide. “Do you mean  _ I’m  _ the other Doctor Song?”

It was River’s turn to shrug.

Oh, how much she enjoyed watching him process that one. 

“Sweetie?” she asked after giving him a moment. “You alright, dear?”

“ _ I’m  _ the other Doctor Song?” he repeated. 

“Got a problem with that, sweetie?”

He opened his mouth to reply, but must have thought better of it, as he quickly closed it again. Still, he gave it another moment’s consideration before sighing and shaking his head.

He could shake his head all he wanted, River thought. He couldn’t hide the blush on his cheeks. 

She led him back to the front door where the boy stood waiting for them. He did much the same as her, looking first for an adult, before bending over when discovering the visitor was a child. 

“Hello,” he said. “I heard you were looking for me.”

“You’re a doctor, right, sir?” the boy asked. 

“In a manner of speaking,” the Doctor replied. “Why?”

“My mother is sick,” the boy informed him. “Can you help her?

The Doctor inhaled deeply and straightened up. Medical issues were always hit or miss. Probably shouldn’t be considering how often the subject came up and how often people assumed he could deal with them.

He glanced at River, who looked encouraging. And if he wasn’t sure of it in her glance, he was sure of it in the gentle hand she laid on the small of his back. 

“Of course,” the Doctor said, nodding. “Take me to her.”

 

The boy led the Doctor and River down the path from their house and into the nearby town. He led them through the market in the town square and through the residential quarter. The houses in the neighbourhoods they passed through got smaller and smaller the farther away from the center of town they got. 

After twenty minutes of walking, the boy led them into a small stone house. He led past a small kitchen and sitting area into a bedroom. Lying on the single bed was a woman in her mid to late thirties. She looked pale in the dim light of the lamp and the street lights shining in through the window

“Can you help her, sir?” the boy asked as he climbed onto the bed next to her. 

“What seems to be the problem?”

“I’m very tired, Doctor Song,” the woman said. The Doctor chose to ignore his wife’s triumphant smirk to focus on the woman’s words. “And I feel very achy. Everything hurts a bit, but I don’t really feel that sick.” 

The Doctor, who had the good sense to put his coat on before they left, pulled his sonic from his inside pocket.

River, the boy, and the woman all watched as he slowly moved it back and forth to scan her, it’s blue light casting an eerie shadow over the woman.

After a moment’s scanning, the Doctor raised the screwdriver to look at it. His eyebrows rose in surprise. 

“Actually something I can help with,” he muttered before stowing the sonic away and raising his voice to normal volume. “Vitamin D deficiency. Twenty-four year nights means you don’t get much in the way of sunlight, eh? I recommend some supplements and perhaps a holiday, if you can afford it. And if you can’t, let me know.”

The Doctor reached into his pocket, plunging his arm in far past how deep it should go to put on a show of bigger-on-the-insideness for the boy. He fumbled around for a moment before finding a small bottle of pills which he pulled out and handed to the woman.

“Take one of those once a week, eat your green vegetables, and perhaps buy one of those light-box things. You can get one on Amazon,” the Doctor instructed. “No, wait. Amazon doesn’t serve this planet. Uh…what’s the other one? Oh, yes. Kerblam. You can order one from Kerblam. Because you know what they say… You want it, Kerblam it.”

The Doctor gave the boy a wink and then shook the woman’s hand before he and River went back out into the night. 

They started back towards the market, the sounds of the merchants getting louder the closer they came to it.

She slipped her arm in his as they walked. 

“As much as I like to see you take on full armies at once,” River began, “it’s always nice to see you do things like that too.”

“I’m just glad I could help,” the Doctor replied quietly. 

The tone in which he said it was so honest that River couldn’t help but hug his arm a little tighter. 

“My Doctor, saving people whenever he can,” she said softly. Then she let out a breathy chuckle. “The other Doctor Song.”

Even in the darkness, the Doctor’s eye roll was unmistakable. River let out a laugh at the display of pouting and eyebrows.

He griped about it their entire walk home, about how surnames weren’t his thing and that he was sure the entire thing had been set up by River herself. But deep down, he knew and he was sure River knew as well, that he was very proud to be called the other Doctor Song. If only because he knew how great the original was. 


	2. Mis(sy)adventures

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for Series 9 of _Doctor Who_ and Series 5 (and little bit of Series 2) of  _The Diary of River Song_

“So, then finally, I punched right through it,” the Doctor said, miming the action as he recounted the story. “And the whole thing started falling away and the veil thing fell away too, so I turned back to it and I said…’I don’t know about you, but I think that’s a helluva bird’.”

He had straightened up in his chair at the last line and held the pose for a moment before relaxing and looking to his wife for approval. In River’s opinion, hois grin and the way he pumped his eyebrows encouragingly made him look too damn pleased with himself.

She took a sip of her wine and raised her eyebrows, considering. His smile evaporated at once, replaced with a look of concern.

“What?”

“Nothing, sweetie,” River said with a shrug, eyeing him over her wine glass. “It’s just… 4.6 billion years to think about it and  _ that’s  _ the best you could come up with?”

“But it’s-“ the Doctor huffed (to River’s amusement). “It was the- It had to due with the story-”

“I’m just kidding, sweetie,” River assured him, though her chuckles and smirk weren’t all too convincing to him. 

The Doctor narrowed his eyes in suspicion as she took another sip from her wine, her smirk now devilishly dangerous. 

“So,” she began, “Gallifrey’s back then.”

“Yes. Yes, it is,” the Doctor said, nodding. “And the Time Lords too.”

“What was it like to go home?” River asked, leaning her chin in her hand. “Did absence make the hearts grow fonder?”

“It was nice to be home,” the Doctor admitted, “if only to remember why I left in the first place.”

River raised an eyebrow, urging him to continue. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

“I punched through a wall of diamond, was appointed Lord President, and then kicked Rassilon off the planet for good,” the Doctor said, not even trying to hide how pleased he was about the last part. “And then I tried to save my friend the only way I could.”

“By forgetting her?”

The Doctor did not answer, instead staring off into the distance with a look of something resembling wistfulness on his face. After a moment, he sighed.

“I stole a TARDIS and ran away,” the Doctor stated. “But… yes, that came too.”

The Doctor grew quiet again and River took his hand across the table. She rubbed circles on the back of his hand with her thumb.

“Good to know you saved it though, yeah?” she said softly, raising her eyes from their hands to him. “To know that it’s safe?”

The Doctor let out a deep breath, but a smile crept across his lips nonetheless. 

“Yeah. It is.”

River smiled, squeezing his hand and then letting go. They just observed each other for a moment, smiling gently, before the Doctor perked up as if he had remembered something.

“I should tell you though, even before all that, there  _ was _ another Time Lord who showed up. Well before all that mess on Gallifrey.”

“Ah,” River said with a knowing nod, “you finally met Missy then.”

The Doctor froze, his hand raised mid-gesture and his mouth agape. Slowly, he lowered his hand, blinking.”

“I met  _ who _ ?”

River’s eyes grew wide. Her hand flew to her mouth.’

“Dammit,” she cursed, “and here I was thinking we were done with spoilers.”

The Doctor’s mouth worked wordlessly for a second before his brow furrowed in frustration. 

“You…  _ knew  _ about Missy?”

“Did I?” River said, feigning ignorance. “Do  _ you _ ? Who’s Missy?”

“ _ River _ ,” the Doctor growled. “How do you know about Missy?”

“Oh please, sweetie. Who am I?” 

The Doctor stared in shock before scoffing. 

“You know about Missy,” he stated, shaking his head. “How- how  _ long  _ have you known about Missy?”

River shrugged and took another sip of her wine, her nervousness about possibly having spoiled something starting to abate.

“Since Stormcage,” she answered. “Remember? Back when you were dead.”

“Stormcage?” The Doctor said indignantly. “With-with Bow Tie?”

“For the most part.” River’s lips curled into a smirk. “When I wasn’t meeting previous versions of you. The Sixth version of you was quite a bit of fun.”

She winked at the Doctor and whatever reply he was about to hiss died in his throat. But only for a moment.

“River, you knew that the Master had regenerated into Missy and that she was alive and out there and you never told me? River, she’s a Time Lord. She’s one of my people.”

“I thinks she prefers Time _ Lady _ ,” River corrected. “And, sweetie,  I  _ couldn’t _ tell you. She made me promise I wouldn’t. Said she would kill me if I did.”

“You mean you  _ met _ her?” 

“Yes, I met her,” River said in a defensive tone she hadn’t meant to use. “In prison. She was quite cross that I had managed to kill you before she did. And seeing as you’ve met her and clearly you’re still here, it seems she still hasn’t managed it, has she? Score one for me.”

River sipped at her wine, avoiding looking at him. The Doctor eyed her carefully. When he thought he had drawn the conclusion, he leaned forward across the table and dropped his voice.

“River…” the Doctor said slowly. “Are you… scared of Missy?”

“ _ Scared? _ Of  _ Missy _ ?” River let out a derisive laugh. “Dear, I am not  _ scared _ of Missy. I’m just not an idiot. You see, when a psychopath tells me that she’s going to kill me if I do something, I tend not to do it. I’d figure you’d learned that by now, but I  _ did _ threaten to remove your organs in alphabetical order and you asked me ‘which alphabet’, so I can’t assume you’ve learned that much.”

The Doctor swirled his glass of brandy and muttered “I thought you were joking”. River just rolled her eyes. 

They sat, sipping at their drinks and watching the people mill about in the square outside the window. 

“Well,” the Doctor began after a few moments’ silence. “She… she died. Got captured by the Daleks. I can only assume what that means.”

The Doctor looked up at River, expecting comfort, but instead found her looking skeptical. 

“What?”

“It’s just…” River heaved a sigh. “Is she though?”

The Doctor perked up at the response, to which River instinctively raised her hands in defense. 

“Not that I know anything,” she said quickly, “I swear. It’s just… When I met her, she was going  _ on  _ and  _ on _ about how many times she had tricked people into thinking she was dead. Well, I say people. I mean you. Specifically you. The number was somewhere in the mid-eighties. And it’s been a while.”

The Doctor considered the words for a moment before nodding grimly. Inside though, his hearts leapt at the thought that maybe Missy hadn’t been killed by the Daleks after all. 

Of course, that meant they’d run into each other again soon and he would probably suffer for it. But he still had almost twenty-two years left before any of that would happen. 

The waiter returned to their table and took their orders for dessert. He returned a few minutes later with a large piece of cake and the bill, which River automatically snatched away. The Doctor let her. There was no use in fighting and, besides, all the money between them was in her name.

As she looked over the bill and reached for her pocket book, a thought occurred to him.

“Can you answer me one question?” The Doctor asked in a low voice.

“Mmm?”

“Did you sleep with her?”

River looked up to him in alarm and then threw her head back laughing, her blonde curls bouncing. 

“ _ Sleep _ with her? Sweetie, I didn’t even  _ flirt _ with her. I was too busy trying to survive her because, and I do  _ not _ say this lightly, your childhood best friend is a menace.”

The Doctor smiled, joining in the laughter. As it died down, River set the bill aside and peered at him, her hands clasped beneath her chin. 

“A question for you, dear.”

“Yes?” The Doctor said, raising an eyebrow.

“Would it have made a difference if I had?”

The Doctor looked at his wife and was bothered by the small flicker of concern in her eyes. Like she thought maybe he’d be upset with her. 

“It would have just been a bit weird,” the Doctor said, rubbing a hand across the back of his head. “Considering she snogged me.”

That tiny flicker dissipated in an instant as River’s expression changed to consideration.

“Ah. Well, I’ve met a few of her predecessors, and I’ll be honest, it was bound to happen at some point.”

“She also liked to call me her boyfriend.”

River sighed, shrugging.

“Again. Bound to happen at some point.”

The Doctor’s brow furrowed.

“You’re not… you know, jealous?”

“Jealous? No,” River said, smiling. “She can call you her boyfriend all she wants. Only  _ I  _ get to call you my husband.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she suddenly narrowed her eyes. 

“Right?” She clarified. “Only  _ I  _ can do that-”

“Yes, dear. Only you,” the Doctor reassured her. “Trust me. I already have a wife who has spent most of her lives trying to kill me. I don’t need another.”

River sipped at her wine, eyeing him appreciatively. 

“Damn right you don’t.”

The Doctor smiled broadly and River slipped her hand into his once more. 

“Now,” he said, raising an eyebrow, “what is this about my Sixth face?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, River met Missy in the audio series and had to keep the secret from the Doctor for quite a while. While listening to it, I couldn't help but think about Twelve finding out about it. ALso, just a note, I can't remember if River met Six while she was in Stormcage or after, but for the sake of this chapter, we'll say it was during Stormcage. 
> 
> Thank you so much for your comments and kudos! I'm glad you're enjoying it. Thank you so much and check in again soon!


End file.
